I Don’t Know How to Do This

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This is a picture of Sampson and Daisy (Sampson is the big one) who adopted each other and us as family.  Those who follow my blog, or just read it on Wednesday, know that we lost Sampson.  

I’ve realized since Wednesday morning, that I don’t know how to do this.  The house feels so strange without him.  Tim (my fiance) said that it felt like someone had stolen all the furniture in the living room and left folding chairs.  For me, it feels like I’m in a state of limbo, waiting for something.  The problem with that is that I don’t know what I’m waiting for.  Sampson isn’t coming back, so I can’t be waiting for him.  Maybe I’m waiting for things to feel “normal” again, but I don’t think that will happen either.

I don’t know how to do this.

I didn’t post yesterday because we had a day of mourning.  We went back and forth between tears of missing him and laughter as we looked at pictures and remembered good times.  We needed that.

I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t know if we could get through it without Daisy.  She snuggles with us and kisses us.  She brings us her toys.  She tries so hard to make things better, but she’s very confused.  She looks for him and when she realizes (again) that he isn’t here she sits by the window waiting for him to come home.

I don’t know how to do this.  

This wasn’t what I had planned for this blog.  I had a sort of order in mind when I started.  Things come up.  We’ve taken a side road on our journey.  Today, I needed to talk about Sampson.  

And that I still don’t know how to do this.  

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