Scared

Hello dear reader.

I promised you complete honesty at the beginning of this journey.  You know I try very hard to be positive, to be thankful for everything in my life.  You also know that my health is not great.  Today is not a good day.  As a matter of fact, the last several weeks have been quite rough.  I haven’t written in a few days because I was hoping I would feel better, both physically and mentally, before I wrote again.  Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between complete honesty and a pity-party.  This is not the latter.  This is me being honest about myself.   That said, I’m going to tell you what happened today that scared the crap out of me.

Let me begin at the beginning…I’ve had problems with kidney stones for a long time.  My kidneys, as well as the tubes between the kidneys and the bladder, are full of them.  This, along with my lousy immune system makes me more succeptible to kidney infections.  I’ve had the flank pain for almost a month this time, but didn’t go to the doctor until my temperature shot up to 102 a little over a week ago.  When I got to the doctor the fever wasn’t there but she gave me antibiotics anyway.  Of course I got the whole “if you aren’t better in a few days or if it gets worse…” deal.  I took my antibiotics religiously and didn’t miss a dose.  After a week of them, the pain isn’t just in my right flank anymore.  It now goes around and inside my hip bone.  It feels kind of like a vice on my right midside.  My temperature has stayed around 99-100.  So I called the doctor’s office and made an appointment for today.  Okay, there’s the background.

When it got close to time for me to leave I gathered the things that I needed to bring.  I also realized that I had forgotten to take the chicken for tonight out of the freezer, so I did that too.  In order to be sure it would be thawed out in time, I put it into the sink with water.  I left my house with time to spare so I wouldn’t have to stress about being late.  So here I was, driving up the pass with no worries listening to the radio. Just as I got to the summit of the pass I suddenly realized I hadn’t turned off the water in the sink.  I racked my brains.  Surely I didn’t leave it on!  But I couldn’t remember turning it off no matter how hard I tried.  I tried to think who I could call to go turn it off for me.  There are several people I know would do it, but who would Duke let into the house?  I didn’t trust him with anyone, especially without Tim or I there.  So I turned around and headed back to the house to turn off the water.  Traffic was totally stressing me out!  Every minute that passed I could envision the water getting deeper and deeper in the kitchen.  Would it spread onto the hardwood floors?  What kind of damage would that do?  Finally, after what seemed like forever, I got to the house.  I stopped on the side of the road and jumped out of the truck without even turning it off, much less locking it.  I ran as fast as I could to the front door and fought with the lock, got in and ran to the kitchen to see how bad it was….

There was no water running.  Everything was fine.   Of course by then there was no way for me to make it to the doctor in time.  I called and told them I would be a few minutes late, but they said if I was late I wouldn’t be seen.  So I rescheduled for tomorrow.  No big deal, right?  Happy ending, right?  No.  Not even close.

My short-term memory hasn’t worked very well since they removed the back part of my brain (see my post on Chiari Malformation).  I’ve learned to work around it some.  I write things down and set reminders on my phone for appointments and phone calls that need to be made, things like that.  But this split from reality, whatever you want to call it, how do I work around that?  It’s one more thing that scares me to death.  I’m terrified that my conscious brain’s functioning is getting worse.  I’m too young to be senile, aren’t I?

I was 100% certain I left that water running.  How could I be that certain and be wrong?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m over-reacting, maybe I have reason to be afraid.  Either way, that’s where I am.  That’s how I feel.  Tomorrow will be better.  I’m 100% certain.

Until next time…

Advertisements

One thought on “Scared

  1. I think you’re are overacting. Things like that happen to all of us. How did your kidney problems turn out? We are praying for you every day. Patty

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s