Strength

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Hello dear reader.
I hear a lot about what a strong person I am. You have a genetic disorder?  You are so strong! You’ve had five surgeries on your head?  Well you look wonderful!  I don’t know how anyone deals with constant pain.  You are so strong!  How does that make me strong?
If I have a day or two that I get really emotional and cry at the drop of a hat, is that weakness?  If I have to cancel on something I promised to do or say “No” to something I really want to do because the pain won’t let me do it, does that make me weak?  What if I turn off my phone and escape into a book because if I have to talk to one more doctor about one more new thing that the Chiari has caused I will scream?  Does that mean I’m weak?  
Personally, I don’t think any of that has anything to do with strength or weakness.  I deal with the pain and all the rest of the crap because I don’t have any choice.  If you know of another option, I’d dearly love to hear it!  I get emotional and cry because I don’t have a choice.  I hide in a book as a survival mechanism, so I can spend some time not crying.  I turn off the phone to keep from losing what little bit of sanity I have left.  That’s not strength or weakness.  It’s survival. 
I’m no stronger and no weaker than the next person.  If you found yourself in the same situation that I’m in (God forbid!) you would do whatever you had to do to get through a day.  You would search for anything positive you could grab hold of. You would try your best to enjoy the good days at least 10x more than you hate the bad ones. Mostly, you would handle it in whatever way works best for you.
One last thing….I believe that if you’re looking for strong people you should look for the people who see the worst of it and love you anyway.  They watch someone they love going through hell and can’t fix it.  They hold your hand and let you cry and keep trying to find a way to make it better.  What makes them so strong? They don’t have to go through it. 
I don’t have a choice about what I have to deal with, but my husband does. He still comes home to me every day, checks on me if I’m in bed too long, helplessly watches when I’m in horrible pain, and makes me laugh EVERY day.  He’s the strong one, not me. Thank you Tim.
Until next time…

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3 thoughts on “Strength

  1. You have a great attitude, Lynnette. My husband, Bill, is in bad pain everyday. and he also has a good attitude. I admire both of you so much.

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