Acceptance or Courage?

This choice is being made by Medicade, not by me or by my doctor.

Hello dear reader.

I’m sure most of you have heard the Serenity Prayer. It’s said at AA/NA/Al-Anon meetings, but I think it has value for everyone. It goes like this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I’m trying hard to find that wisdom right now.

As I’ve told you previously, I’ve found a combination of meds that has made me feel better than I have in years. I also told you that they’re taking it away from me. I have a little over a week and a half left before they’re sending me back to hell.

I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me more times than I can count, but this is different. Before I started taking this, I thought the unending pain, exhaustion, and misery was just the way it was and that was that. I had accepted what I couldn’t change.

In the last few weeks I’ve discovered that the parts of me I thought were gone still exist. I’ve felt like me for the first time in… I can’t remember how long. Now that I know it still exists, I don’t want to give it up.

I’ve been doing my best since I found out they were talking it away from me to just enjoy this time I have. I don’t want to waste it being upset because it’s temporary. But I’ve really struggled with that today for some reason.

I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m sad. And, to be perfectly honest, I’m scared.

This choice is being made by Medicade, not by me or by my doctor. So is this something I need to find the courage to change or that I need to just accept? Is courage enough to change it?

I’m sorry this post isn’t uplifting or inspiring. But this post is where I am today. I warned you at the beginning that this journey wouldn’t always be pretty. Thanks for being here even when it’s not.

Until next time…

Author: lynnetteok

There's a page with probably more about me than most people care to know. 😉

13 thoughts on “Acceptance or Courage?”

  1. Some pharmaceutical companies have programs that offer free medications. I’ve received free meds that way in the past. You can search online by the name of the company and medication name. Let me know if you need help checking.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It certainly is a mess. Today is day 3 that I’m stuck in bed. 🤨 I’m really hoping it’s just a flare-up and not a result of the media change.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes your doctor can petition for a medication or series of them to stay on your formulary. I would imagine that being able to be you and not bedridden should be cause enough. I hope so, I know how damned frustrating it is to be a number of condition, not you.
    Ask. At the worst, you’ve asked a question, at best, you stay the Lynette at your core.

    Fingers crossef!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They already tried to get a prior authorization on it. They even told them that I was doing better than I had in years. It was denied. The only chance is for me to take the one they’re saying I need to take instead (which I’ve been on before) and then possibly they’ll change their mind. It’s a slim chance, but I’m holding onto it.


      1. I hate it when they do that. Your body and mine and the fella over there , they all have different responses. Keep pushing on, and I will light a candle for you. It can’t hurt!

        Liked by 1 person

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