The Party

Because I think people who deal with this need to know they aren’t alone…

Because tomorrow may be different and give someone hope…

Hello dear reader,

Today’s one of those days that I really struggle through. It’s been a rough few weeks, to be totally honest. When things go on for an extended period, my physical pain calls the mental pain and they throw a big party.

I’ve had this same headache for three weeks now. A little over a week ago, my oxygen levels and blood pressure decided they wanted to join in. Oxygen levels can be handled. I have a machine in my house, and I just drag tubing around behind me. The blood pressure? That’s a different deal. I have hypotension, which means my BP goes low. That’s something I just have to ride out unless it gets to the point that I have to go to the hospital.

The continuous headache makes my neck and shoulders spasm. That’s easy enough… take a muscle relaxer, right? But muscle relaxers lower your blood pressure and respiration, so which is worse?

When all this has gone on for a while, the final guest arrives… depression. It brings its own friends like “What’s the point?”, “This is never going away.” and “You’re useless.” They sap away any little bit of energy I have hidden away.

Tim left for work around 6 this morning and will get home around 5 this evening. He works hard all day. My big accomplishment today? I got dressed and crawled back into bed. I’ll have to text him soon and ask him to stop at the store and get a “quick fix” for dinner because I can’t stand up long enough to cook. He’ll say, “No problem honey.” and after working all day he’ll stand in line at the grocery store to get something he can just pop into the oven. He deserves so much better.

This has turned into a rant, which wasn’t my intention at all. So why post it?

Because I think people who deal with this need to know they aren’t alone…

Because tomorrow may be different and give someone hope…

Because it’s my truth…

Until next time…

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