Do-overs

Living and enjoying it, takes some creativity. I’ve come up with a few tricks, which help to keep pity-parties to a minimum.

Hello dear reader,

While melt-downs are definitely a part of living with chronic illness/pain, they aren’t what I want this blog to be about. The point to writing this is to try to find positive ways of handling this life. So if you’ll give me a do-over, I’d like to try this again.

Living and enjoying it, takes some creativity. I’ve come up with a few tricks, which help to keep pity-parties to a minimum. I’m hoping I’ll learn some tricks from you as well.

What relaxes you? Cleaning relaxes me. I’m really anal about my house being clean, or so I’ve been told. It just stresses me out when it’s dirty. So cleaning helps. There are a lot of times I can’t keep up with it, but it sure feels good when I can! Is that weird? probably. But whatever works, right?

Working on crafty stuff relaxes me about nine months out of the year. October through December feels like a mad dash to get things finished on time. Here are a few things I’ve made:

Those are things I’ve made as gifts for people. As long as it isn’t the crazy Christmas months, making things like these relax me.

Before I finish this up for today, I really want to thank you for your understanding and compassion when the dark side was showing. Thank you for all of the well-wishes I received.

Until next time…

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Headaches and wedding Invitations

Hello dear reader.

Today is an awful headache day.  Well, it actually started around 11 last night when it woke me up.  I managed to fall back to sleep at around midnight, but by 2 a.m. it was a lost cause.  It’s super frustrating because I seriously don’t have time for this right now.  There is so much I need to be doing, but I can’t. 

Onto something brighter…I have to brag. Yesterday I discovered that I had made a significant mistake with the checking account and put us into a pretty bad situation. When Tim got home last night (after a 10 hour workday) I listened to him tell me about what a good day he had. You know, the first few minutes determine the mood for the rest of the evening, so positive was a good way to start. The last thing he said was, “It’s been a really good day.” I replied, “I’m so glad, but I’m about to ruin it.” I burst into tears and told him what had happened. This man…the one I get to marry in a week and a half…put his arms around me and told me it was okay. He said with so much going on it was no wonder I made a mistake…that we’d get through it and it wasn’t the end of the world. I couldn’t stop crying, but then it was out of relief.

Speaking of the wedding, a wonderful friend of ours made our wedding invitations for us. We mailed out all the ones going out of town, and the other day we got the ones to hand out locally.
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Is that not the most beautiful thing?!? The invitation is rolled up inside that beautiful tube. There is no way I can ever show or tell how much I appreciate this. It’s another amazing example of the incredible friends we have!

That’s about all the “brighter” I can do right now. My head is still hurting terribly and I’m going to lay down and try to get some rest.

Until next time…

Morning coffee

Good morning dear reader.

Every morning Tim & I sit in bed and drink coffee together.  We’ve done it ever since the first night we spent together.  Now that he leaves at 6:00 every morning, we get up at 4:00 so we have time to do it.  It’s a wonderful practice.  It gives us a chance to connect before the busyness of the day pulls us in different directions.  Even the dogs get in on it, climbing onto the bed with us. 

We’re doing pre-marital counseling (only 3 more weeks until the wedding!) and learning tools to have a stronger, happier marriage.  It’s actually a lot of fun.  What has struck me the most about it is how many of the things they recommend that we already do and have been doing.  While they  don’t specifically say, “morning coffee time” it is something that fits very well into the things they do encourage couples to do.

This morning I started thinking about how many simple things we do that make our relationship stronger and happier.  I don’t know if any of them will apply to any of you, but I’m going to tell you about them anyway.

Communication

I believe this is vital.  We eat dinner at the table (away from the TV) two or three times a week.  Other times we eat in the living room watching the news.  That keeps the table dinners from becoming a chore.  It’s always a little bit special when we do it.  When we reconnect at the end of the day, we take the time to talk about how our day has gone…both of us.  I listen (and sometimes comment) as he tells me about his day, and he does the same for me.  While we’re apart during the day we touch base once or twice.  It may just be a text that says “I love you” or “Hope your day is going well.”  It’s more about letting each other know we’re thinking about them than what we say. 

What we say and how we say it

Let me start this part by making it  clear that there are always times when things are misread or misunderstood.  Here’s a perfect example:  We had a meeting scheduled with Ali for the pre-marital counseling Friday morning.  I was on the phone with someone I hadn’t talked to in years.  Tim was in the yard with his best friend trying to get Duke and his dog to get along so we could dog-sit for him.  I looked at the clock after I hung up the phone and realized we were supposed to be there in 15 minutes and I was still in my bathrobe.  I hurried down the stairs and to the yard and said, “Do you realize we’re supposed to meet Ali  in 15 minutes?”  Tim’s response was, “And you’re in your bathrobe.”  Long story short, we ended up running about 10 minutes behind which worked out perfectly because so was she.  Yesterday we were sitting on the couch together and Tim said he wanted to talk to me about something.  He said that when I did that Friday morning he felt scolded and embarrassed because he was out there with his best friend and I had been so “harsh” about him forgetting.  I had not even thought about it that way.  I wasn’t upset with him for forgetting, I was upset with myself for forgetting.  I was also feeling very rushed and a little bit stressed because of it.  I’m one of those people who are anal about being on time.  I’m normally at an appointment 10 minutes before I’m supposed to be there.  So you see what happened there?  A total misunderstanding.   Things like that happen to everyone.  Nobody reads things correctly all the time, and nobody says things the right way all the time.

That being said, everyone has a need to be loved, appreciated, admired, etc.  So saying things like “I appreciate you” or “You look nice today”…things like that, can make a relationship much happier.  Think about it.   If you hear things like, “Why in the hell did you do that?” or “You really need to do something about your hair” or “This food sucks” etc., how much are you going to look forward to communicating with that person?  Hearing positive things from someone makes you draw closer to them and want to talk with them.  Of course, nobody does everything right or always looks wonderful.  It’s a matter of choosing to focus on the positive.  Sometimes you have to look hard to find it, but when you do it should be expressed.

An important aspect of how we talk is simple courtesy.  I’ve heard many couples talk to each other in ways they wouldn’t talk to anyone else.  I remember a friend of ours who was amazed that we said “please” and “thank you” to each other.  Think about it.  This is someone you love.  Don’t they deserve at least as much courtesy as you’d give a stranger who was asking for directions? 

Wow!  I really took off with this!  I’ve hardly scratched the surface, but I think it’s probably enough for now.  Seriously, think about these things.  The difference they can make is incredible.  Or…say to yourself that Lynnette is full of crap and forget about it.   Definitely your choice.  Just because these things work for me doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll work for you.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts about it.  Simply hit the comment button below and let it rip.

Until next time…