Lessons learned

I find it quite ironic that by the time we (parents) finally figure it all out, the children are no longer there to benefit from that knowledge.

Hello dear reader,

The last time I wrote I was trying to explain how St. George is one of the positive things in my life.  I got sidetracked (as usual) but that’s part of who I am and the things I deal with.  One last thing I want to explain about the meals we cook five days a week is that everything is donated.  This makes cooking there different from cooking anywhere else.  Normal cooking involves deciding what to make and gathering the ingredients to make it.  Cooking at St. George is the exact opposite of normal.  When you get there you see what has come in and what leftovers there might be from the day before and you figure out what you can make with what you have.  This involves a lot of creativity and experimentation.  But somehow it always works.  I’ve been working with St. George for over 11 years and there has never been a time we didn’t have food.  We feed, on average, 50 people a day.  One last thing…nobody will ever ask you to come to church, preach at you, ask you for money, etc.  The meals are simply a place where people from all walks of life gather over food and create community.  Isn’t that cool?

Okay, enough about that.  My kids have really been on my mind lately.  They always are, but some times are harder than others.  This is a harder time.  I miss them like crazy.  I would give anything to go back to when they were little and all home.  I can look back now and see so many mistakes I made in raising them, but I did the best I could with what I had at the time.  I didn’t have a “childhood” like many people.  I spent those years wishing and waiting for the time I could leave home.  I was determined that my children would have a childhood where they would be able to look back and remember those days as happy and fun.  I wanted them to have good memories of growing up.  My only guidance in how to parent my children was to do the opposite of what my parents did. 

I do not believe in physical punishment.  All that does, in my opinion, is teach children that if someone isn’t doing what you want them to, then you simply hurt them until they do.  Let me be very clear here…I believe children need discipline and structure.  It makes them feel safe and secure.  They know what to expect and they don’t live in constant fear never knowing what will happen.  I do not believe in physical discipline.  I can honestly say that my children were very well mannered and well behaved children.  I heard that from many people.  Off on another sidetrack. 

The point is that kids don’t come with instructions and even if they did you’d need separate ones for each child.  Hindsight, as the saying goes, is 20/20.  I would have loved to know then what I know now.  My children are all grown and have lives of their own.  That’s what we try to prepare them for, isn’t it?  While I know I messed up a lot, they’re all living happy and successful lives.  They all know how to give and receive love.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s the definition of successful.  So I must have done something right. 

I find it quite ironic that by the time we (parents) finally figure things out, our children are no longer there to benefit from that knowledge.  I think the biggest lesson I learned was how important it is to listen, really listen to our children.  A five year old telling you in detail about everything that happened at school today (who got in trouble, who they played with at recess, what they drew, what they had for lunch and whether they liked it or it was gross, what movie they watched, whether or not they slept at rest time, you get the point) can seem very trivial, even irritating, especially when you’re trying to get something else done.  However, ten years later when they want to talk to you about the pressure they feel from their boyfriend (or girlfriend) to have sex or use drugs, now that’s important to us!  The thing people don’t seem to get is that in your child’s eyes they are equally important at the time.  Here’s the real kicker….if you didn’t stop to listen to them when they were five and what happened at school today was important tothem then by the time what they have to say is important to you they’ve given up trying to make you listen.  The bottom line is that the dishes and laundry and other housework is always going to be there.  Your children aren’t. The things that matter to them are important, no matter the age or topic.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these things. So please feel free to hit that little comment box and tell me how you feel about it.

Until next time….

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About Me

Since we’re going to be spending quite a bit of time together, I believe it’s only fair for you to know a little bit about me.  I want to tell you about the person I am now. The story of how I got here will come later and in bite-sized pieces.

I am 48 years old and live in (I believe) the most beautiful place in the world.  It’s an old mining town in the Rocky Mountains with a population of around 1500.  I’ve lived here for about nine years now and I’m still constantly amazed at how incredible it is.  I have four children, two boys and two girls, who are all grown.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss them.  I also have five wonderful grandchildren.

I am engaged to the love of my life. I’ve had other loves, but nothing like this. We’re getting married the end of July, so look forward to lots of pictures!  The story of how he proposed to me is one that I promise to tell.

I have a fairly rare genetic disorder called Arnold Chiari Malformation.   You can follow this link to learn more about the disorder:  What is Chiari Malformation.
I’ve had five operations on my head so far.  The chronic pain, as well as other issues from the disorder, have left me disabled.  I was 40 years old when I was finally diagnosed.  I was told that I was crazy, that I was under too much stress, and that I should take peaceful walks and long baths and I would be fine for 40 years while my brain stem was being pinched off. 

Because of the Chiari, there are days that I simply can’t function.  That makes it impossible for me to hold a job.  That does not, however, keep me from doing fulfilling things with my life.  I do volunteer work.  I volunteer as a CASA .   You can follow this link to learn about that:   What is CASA .   The church I attend serves meals to the community five days a week and I cook there. We serve an average of 50 people a day.

I love to do “crafty” things like crochet, cross-stitch, embroidery, and knitting.  I adore reading and listening to audio-books,  but I have to confess that writing is my true passion.   I’ve been writing ever since I can remember…stories, poems, and journals.

So there’s the brief version of who Lynnette is.  I’d love to know a little about you as well.  Feel free to tell me about yourself and/or ask any questions you’d like about me.

Until tomorrow-