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There are so many times I deal with flare-ups for no reason at all.  This one is worth it.

Hello dear reader.

I got home yesterday from my visit with my daughter. It was incredible to get to spend time with her and my son-in-law. I’m extremely thankful that my pain levels stayed where I could push through them for the majority of the visit.

The pain started getting bad the day before I left. I don’t know about any of you, but I can usually tell if it’s just a bad day or settling in to stay for awhile. This was the settling in kind of pain. My daughter and husband both asked me about staying one more day to see if it would ease up, but I didn’t think it would help.  The drive home was not fun.  Wednesday was painful, but yesterday was much worse.

There are so many times I deal with flare-ups for no reason at all.  This one is worth it. I got to visit Louissa. We spent the weekend just hanging out around the house and talking.  We have many of the same interests, so that itself was worth the drive.  I got to go meet a couple of her kids on Monday, which was a lot of fun.  When we left the school she brought me up to the Holy City .  Here’s a link to pictures and the story of it in case you missed it:  The Holy City of the Wichitas .  Then Tuesday evening I got to go to the school’s 4th of July pageant.  It was great!

I’m planning to spend this weekend sitting around the house with Tim and the dogs and taking long naps.   I’m going to read (or listen to) a good book and relax.  I think that’s part of finding life too.

We’ll be checking in on the Escape Book Club the beginning of next week.  Check that out if you haven’t gotten involved with it yet.  We’re going to have a good time with it.  Here’s our first book:  Escape Book Club Book

Until next time…

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Unconditional love…what a concept!

Hello dear reader.

It’s been a bit, I know.  Between headaches, CASA, and wedding plans, I’m sure you’ll excuse my absence.  Soooo, the day after tomorrow I will be a married woman.  I’m SO excited.  The last few weeks have been insane trying to make sure everything is set up and ready for Saturday.  I have worked my butt off!  Finally, everything is in place and ready and I can relax and enjoy the fruits of my labors.  I try to be  unpredictable when I write, but today I’m going to (predictably) talk about this man I’m going to marry and how much I love him.  

How do I know marrying him is the right thing to do, that it will work?  The really simple answer to that is that Tim and I have been to hell and back…a FEW times…and we still like each other.  Yes, I said LIKE.  I think like is even more important than love.  I have loved people that I didn’t like at all, and it was miserable.  We are best friends.  I look forward to spending time with him.  I laugh with him.  I tell him things I won’t tell most people, things you can only tell a very close friend.  Quick story – Not long ago, when Tim was between jobs, we were SO broke!  We were getting food from the church, were behind on ALL the bills, the bank account was overdrawn, and we didn’t know when any of that would change.  We were sitting together holding hands while watching the dogs playing and looking at a spectacular sunrise.  Both of us said, “I love our life!”  How crazy is that?  Logically we probably should have been completely stressed out.  But we both felt happy and contented just being together.  THAT’s how I know.

I’ve learned with Tim what love is supposed to be like.  He loves me simply for who I am.  He supports and encourages my dreams and aspirations.  He makes me feel smart and pretty.  He considers it his mission to make me laugh at  least once a day.  Okay, some of you are probably saying, “Okay, and the big deal is….?”  If so, you’re a very fortunate person. The big deal is I have never in my life had anyone love me like that, unconditionally and completely.  All the way back to my childhood, any love I got from anyone  was conditional.  I was loved if I did this or that and did it this way or that way.  I was loved only if I was willing to give up what I wanted and felt to do and feel what someone else wanted me to.  My dreams were to be a good mother or wife or daughter, to make someone else happy so that they would love me.  My aspirations were to do things well enough to earn someone’s love.  You know, I think that’s actually the core of it….I don’t have to earn Tim’s love.  He gives it to me…a gift, not as payment for something.  That is the big deal.  It’s something which was extremely difficult for me to learn to accept and trust.

I honestly think I’ve always tried to love that way, unconditionally.   I can’t say I’ve always been able to.  I’m not making excuses for that, but I have learned why I failed at it.  When two people give to each other freely and gladly, both of their hearts stay full because they’re being given at least as much as they are giving.  When one person is giving and the other is taking, the giver’s heart grows cold and empty eventually because there’s nothing to fill it up.  As I said, nobody ever gave me unconditional love, so there was nothing to keep my heart full and I eventually gave up. 

Don’t get me wrong…I’m nowhere near perfect,  I came into every relationship I’ve ever been in (besides the one with my parents) with a lot of my own baggage and misconceptions.  I had a horrible view of myself.  I thought I could never do or give enough to really deserve love from someone else.  I was only partially right.  I could never do enough to earn someone’s love.  All I can do is give my love freely and accept Tim’s love in return.  But I do deserve love.  It’s ironic when I think about it.  Only after I took the time to learn to love myself simply for who I was (am) was I able to trust and accept that anyone else could.

Okay, I’m getting mushy here.  But in less than 48 hours I will marry a wonderful, loving, compassionate, funny, giving, and VERY good looking man.  I think a little mushy is allowed,  :-}

Until next time…

Fact or Fiction

Good morning dear reader.

Sometimes it can be difficult to find something to write that will (hopefully) entertain you and keep you coming back for more.  Fortunately, there are resources available to me  that can (sometimes) help with that.   On this site there is a handy little gadget called the “daily prompt” which gives ideas for something new to write about every day.  I also own a book called The Daily Writer which has, along with different writing “lessons”, a section for each day entitled “Try This.”  If that isn’t enough, I have an app called “Daily writing prompts” and another one called “Quotes.” I guess what I’m saying here is that there’s really no excuse for not writing every day. I am, however, a busy person. Does that count as an excuse?

So today I decided to go with the Daily Prompt….sort of. The idea for today is “Tell us something most people don’t know about you.” I decided that I want to put a twist on that. Any of you who have followed my blog have gotten to know me pretty well. If you haven’t followed it, now’s your chance to catch up. That being said, I’m going to write something and see if you, dear reader, are able to tell fact from fiction. Is it real or is it illusion? Ready? Here we go.

When I was a little girl I had a dog named Mickey. Mickey was a huge Belgium shepherd. He weighed at least twice as much as I did. He stayed tied to a big tree in the yard with a huge metal chain. I loved putting Mickey on a leash and “walking” him. If a car was coming on the road Mickey would pull me way off onto the shoulder. He was the smartest dog I’ve ever known, and that’s saying a lot! One day I was “walking” Mickey and we saw one of my brothers at the end of the road. He was standing there afraid to move because of three dogs growling at him. The next thing I knew, Mickey had yanked the leash out of my hand and was in a dead run down the road toward my brother and the other dogs. He was barking and growling like crazy. The other dogs ran off. My brother hugged Mickey, tears still running down his cheeks. Together they walked back to where I had been standing the entire time. When they got to me, Mickey picked up the handle of the leash in his mouth and put it back into my hand. Mickey was my friend (I didn’t have people friends….story for another time) and also my defender. One day my step-father was hitting me in the yard. The hitting happened a lot, but usually indoors where people wouldn’t see it. I don’t remember what I had done to make him angry enough to beat me in public, but it must have been pretty bad. So we’re in the yard where he’s hitting me and I’m crying. I must have yelled out in pain because the next thing I knew Mickey had broken that giant chain and was jumping on my step-father, knocking him to the ground. He didn’t bite him, but he wouldn’t let him get up. I only thought my step-father was pissed at me. He was furious with Mickey! He was going to kill Mickey for “attacking him” but instead he took the dog, my only friend, to my grandfather’s stable and left him there. The next time I saw Mickey he was missing one of his eyes. A horse had kicked him and destroyed it. Not long after that we moved across the country and I never saw Mickey again. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty because Mickey got sent away for defending me.

There’s the story. It’s happy. It’s sad. But is it true? Let me know what you think and I’ll give you the answer tomorrow.

Until next time…

A very sad day

Today is a very hard day.   We have (had) two dogs…Sampson-a 100 pound shepherd mix, and Daisy-a 14 pound terrier.  With all the children grown and gone, the dogs are like our kids.

Apparently, Sampson had a tumor in his stomach and it ruptured.  We had no choice but to put him down. He was 9 years old.

This is one of the saddest days of my life.

If you have a pet that is a part of your family give them a little extra love today.  Take a few minutes to think about what they bring to your life. Be thankful for them.

R.I.P. Big Boy