Dancing with the Mop

In a strange way, the constant pain is a gift. Without it I wouldn’t notice how wonderful some days are.

Hello dear reader.

I hope you had a wonderful Easter and that today finds you well.

I’ve had almost five good days in a row! I think we may have finally gotten the right combination of meds going. I said almost five because today would have been the fifth, but I was up most of last night in pain.

Monday I got a letter from my insurance company (Medicare/Medicaid) saying they won’t cover the long-acting medication. I called my doctor’s office yesterday and they’re doing the whole “prior authorization” thing. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s about 50/50.

That letter really upset me. They do this to me a lot and normally it’s not a huge deal. If they won’t approve it we’ll use something else. I just want something that will keep the pain down enough that I can get out of bed.

I had honestly forgotten what it was to feel good. Friday I was dancing with the mop. I haven’t done that in… I can’t even remember the last time. I felt like me, a me I thought had been destroyed by my illnesses.

Okay, so I was in the kitchen wearing jeans and a t-shirt with my back brace on, and I look about 100 years old, but this is how it felt! Now that I’ve discovered it’s not completely gone, I don’t want them to take it away.

Enough about that. I’ll keep you posted on what happens. Now let’s move on.

I really want to focus on the (almost) five days of feeling good. I made it a point to be completely present and aware. That’s the point. We (people who live with chronic pain) enjoy the good days to the max when we get them. Feeling good and having energy is something healthy people take for granted. We don’t. It’s like people who’ve never seen darkness don’t really appreciate the light. People who’ve never been lonely don’t get excited about having a friend. I try to enjoy the good days 10x more than I hate the bad ones. I hang on to them for dear life during the dark days.

In a strange way, the constant pain is a gift. Without it I wouldn’t notice how wonderful some days are. I’d just sleepwalk through them. How do I know? Because that’s how it used to be for me.

click here for a song that fits this.

What’s a good day for you? How do you celebrate them?

Until next time…

A quote from Abraham Lincoln

Hello dear reader,

Today’s been another “day off.”  Yesterday I felt weak and shaky all day.  Today I’ve felt a little stronger, but have actually been in more pain.  I’m not going to sit here and whine, just updating how things are going.

I came across a quote today that stuck with me.  Those who look for the bad in people will surely find it.  (Abraham Lincoln)  Mr. Abraham Lincoln, whether he was a vampire hunter or not, was a smart man.

I hear people say that you can’t just give people the benefit of the doubt any more, not in these times.  That’s one of the things Dr. Phil says in his newest book. You should assume the worst.  Only in that way can you be safe.  Now I am a huge fan  of Dr. Phil, and  I use quotes from him all the time.  I consider him to be a smart man also. 

The terms “good” and “bad” are being used very loosely here. You can substitute “positive” and “negative” …”happiness” and “sadness”…”confident” and “afraid”…the list goes on and on. I took a course a few years ago titled Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. It proposed that there is no such thing as good or bad, there is only perception, needs expressed or not expressed, needs met or not met.

That said, I believe I have to go with Mr. Lincoln on this one.  I know there are a lot of people in this world who are dangerous.  But I also strongly believe that there is good in everyone.  That doesn’t mean that all people are all good.  You just have to look harder to find the good in some.    I don’t believe anyone is all bad, any more than anyone is all good.  Yes, I’ve been called naive for this view.  People ask, “What about Hitler, or Charles Manson?”  Where’s the good in them?”  I don’t know.  But I believe that even in people like them, there is a sliver of good somewhere.

I try my best to find good in everyone.  I try to understand the things I see as “bad” in people.  So often, “bad” is a result of ignorance, mental illness, and/or fear.  I’ve met some very cruel people in my life.  I’ve witnessed and experienced horrific behaviors.   But I can truly say I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have some good in them.

In my post the other day called Morning Coffee I talked about choosing to find the positive in people. This really isn’t so different. It all boils down to what you choose to focus on. When you look for the bad in people, that becomes all you can see. Finding the good in people may take more effort than finding the bad. But if you look for the good, once you start to find it you see more and more of it with less and less effort.

Another aspect of this, is that people behave the way they’re expected to in most cases. If you see bad in them, you expect bad from them, and that’s what they’ll give you. Now let’s reverse that. If you look for the good in people and expect good things from them, that’s what they’ll give you.

I know, I’m starting to sound a bit preachy here, but this is really important to me. If everyone looked for the good in everyone else and expected the best from them, think for just a minute how wonderful life would be. I believe that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt (sorry Dr. Phil). Some people have shown me that they will cause harm if given the benefit of the doubt. I’m not stupid. I don’t keep coming back saying, “Hurt me some more!” But I continue to look for the “good” in them. Once I catch that sliver, I hang on tight and look for more.

So I went on a bit of a rant here. This is the place for me to rant about things I believe in. What do you think? Do you think there is “good” in everyone? Do you think it’s worth the effort to look for it in people?

Until next time…