Happy

It’s so good just to be here with my daughter.

Hello dear reader.

I’m laying down for a little rest, trying hard to keep the headaches under control. So far, so good. It’s definitely there, but they’re staying manageable.

Anyway, I thought I’d take this opportunity to sort of check in and update you on my visit.

Yesterday we didn’t do much, sat around the house, but I enjoyed every minute of it. It’s so good just to be here with my daughter. The best thing has been seeing how happy she is. She and her husband are doing great. They recently moved into a new house which she loves (with good reason, this place is gorgeous). She’s been working as a teacher at a daycare/school for a little over a year now. It’s the perfect job for her. She loves it and is extremely good at it. Tomorrow she’s bringing me to the school to meet her kids (she took the day off) and I can’t wait. I’ve heard so many stories about these kids I feel like I already know them.

Originally, I was going to leave for home Tuesday morning. That’s changed. Her kids are doing a “program” Tuesday evening. They’ve been practicing their songs and dances. So I’m going to stay another day so I can go to that. It’ll work out well because she and her husband will be at work during the day, so I can spend it resting. Then I’ll get back on the road Wednesday morning.

I have to brag about my husband a little bit. When I talked to him about extending my stay here he wasn’t just okay with it, he was happy for me that I would get to go see the program. He told me that I should soak up every opportunity to enjoy myself. I’m truly a fortunate woman to have such a caring and understanding man.

Until next time…

Advertisements

The Trip

This is finding life through pain.

Hello dear reader.

As I write this, I’m in a hotel room seven hours from home. Tomorrow I’ll do four more hours and be at my daughter’s house. Louissa said I are very close and I haven’t seen her in over a year.

I did better than I expected to today. My head started hurting about three hours in, but the meds helped and it hasn’t gotten insane. I’m exhausted, but laying in a bed relaxing. I’ll be going to sleep very soon, I’m sure.

I’m very thankful to have a wonderful husband who is completely supportive of me doing this. He worries because of my health issues, but is happy for me that I get to go spend time with my daughter.

This is finding life through pain. Right now, laying in this hotel room bed writing this post, I’m feeling thankful.

Until next time…

My husband

I fell in love with St. George’s the first time I went there.

Hello dear reader.

Earlier this week I published a post called Finished. In it, I spoke briefly about my husband and said I would tell you more about him in another post. Well here’s that post 😊.

I want to start this story at the beginning, so it may take more than one post. We’ll see how it goes. Ready for an awesome love story? Here we go.

I met Tim very soon after moving to Colorado when I went to the ‘wrong’ church. I fell in love with St. George’s the first time I went there. All my life I’ve heard churches preach about feeding the poor, and helping people who needed help. St. George’s doesn’t preach it, they do it. I wanted to be a part of that. Anyway, I’m getting off on a tangent here. I’ll do a post about St. George’s another time.

Anyway, Tim and I both smoked cigarettes and after services we’d both be outside smoking. We spent a lot of time talking about a lot of things and developed a good friendship. Tim was 9 months sober at that time after struggling with alcoholism for most of his life. We talked about that a lot and I tried to encourage him in his sobriety.

I have to be honest with you. That’s a promise I made when I started this blog. Truthfully, I was very attracted to Tim the first time I saw him. But because I was married, I never acted on it. Tim also respected the fact I was married and never even flirted with me.

My marriage was on life support and I was trying very hard to save it. I was severely depressed and Tim made me laugh. I never talked to Tim about how bad my marriage was. I’ve always thought talking to someone of the opposite sex about problems in your marriage is a recipe for disaster. It never turns out good.

So Tim and I spent two years talking outside the church and getting to know each other, both of us knowing we weren’t going to be anything besides friends. I helped him with some things he was having trouble doing on the computer. He came to my house and cut up a bunch of wood (I paid him). The main source of heat in that house was the wood stove, so I was cutting up enough for each day myself with a bow saw. I was very thankful for the help.

We both got elected to the vestry at St. George’s the same year. I ended up having to go to Ohio for my first brain surgery. I was gone for three months. When I got back I was very excited to begin my work on the vestry. The day of the first meeting after I got back, the alternator in my car went out. I was so disappointed! Tim called to remind me about the meeting and make sure I was going. I had to tell him I couldn’t go because of my car. I lived about a half hour’s drive from the church and it was dumping snow, so I couldn’t walk there. Tim said he’d come get me because he knew how badly I wanted to go. He took me to the meeting and brought me straight home when it was over. Again, we never even flirted.

Two years after moving to Colorado, I finally pulled the plug on my marriage. Tim and I started dating shortly after. Everyone kept saying, “It’s about time you two got together!” They talked about seeing sparks between us.

Wow! This post got long fast! I’ll pick up where I left off tomorrow.

Until next time…

Finished 😊

I’m an extremely fortunate woman and I don’t take that for granted.

Hello dear reader.

After doing two days of prep (which means three days of not eating) I finally got the colonoscopy done yesterday. I am so thankful that is finally over! They found a few pollups and sent them to be biopsied. I’ll get the results sometime next week.

On to more interesting subjects… It’s a Rocky Mountain spring day.

We can look forward to more snow today. Maybe this is the last time, maybe not. The snow was very late starting this year, so it may stop late too. There are a lot of people who think I’m crazy for living in a place where it’s still snowing at the end of April, but I love it. In July and August, when people are dealing with triple-digit temps along with humidity, it’s in the 70’s here (occasionally it hits 80, but it’s rare) with very little humidity. The same people that call me crazy this time of year are jealous in the summer.

To celebrate the end of the prep ordeal, Tim’s taking me out for brunch today 😁. It never ceases to amaze me how much I enjoy spending time with him. We always have a good time no matter what we’re doing. He makes me laugh every day. I’m an extremely fortunate woman and I don’t take that for granted.

Before I start babbling about my amazing husband (that’ll be a post for another day) I’m going to get in the shower and try to look my best for a day with him.

I hope you have a wonderful day 🤗

Until next time…

State of mind

I have much to be thankful for. Sometimes I just have to look harder to see past the hard stuff.

Hello dear reader

People say that happiness is a choice. I agree with that only to a point. You can choose whether to focus on the positive things in your life rather than on the negative. That I agree with.

However, there are several reasons why someone can’t be “happy” no matter how hard they try to focus on the positive. Depression can be situational, but is often a chemical problem. When someone is suffering from depression, telling them that happiness is a choice can actually make things worse…much worse.

Depression is a deep dark hole that gets smaller and more confining every day. It robs you of energy and smothers any ray of hope and/or happiness. Guilt weighs on you because you’re depressed, which makes you feelmoredepressed.

Can you imagine feeling that way and then being told that it’s your choice? Or being told to “just cheer up?” Do you think that would help your state of mind? I can promise you that it would have the opposite effect.

So I wrote about depression yesterday. Why am I still going on about it? I don’t really know, it feels important.

Moving on…. tomorrow is my oldest daughter’s birthday. She’s almost to the end of her 20’s. I am constantly amazed at how quickly life goes by. I’m also amazed at how fortunate I feel to be her mother. I loved being “Mommy” when she was little, and I love being “Mom” now that she’s grown. Our relationship is very different now, of course. I’m no longer the person who knows everything, can see through walls AND the back of my head, and always knows when she’s having a bad day. I can no longer solve any problem from a skinned knee to a broken heart with a kiss and/or a cheesecake tart. But I can listen when she needs someone to. I can laugh and/or cry with her. I can give her tips on anything from a roast to a relationship. I can (and do) know that she may or may not follow my advice. She’s a grown woman who can think for herself and make her own decisions. I am so proud of that. I’m thrilled that she asks my advice, whether she takes it or not. In some ways it’s harder to be “Mom” than it was to be “Mommy” because I still want to protect her from the world. I still want to fix anything that hurts. But being “Mom” is wonderful too. I can be her friend now, and she’s a great friend to have. You can’t be a child’s friend and protect them. There are too many times the word “No” has to be said.

I know. I’m ranting again. But these are the things that keep depression from winning. These are the positive things that I try to focus on. I have a great life….a truly amazing husband, great friends, and some great kids (even the ones that aren’t really mine). I live in the most beautiful place there is. I have much to be thankful for. Sometimes I just have to look harder to see past the hard stuff. Sometimes the hard stuff is just too big to see past.

Until next time….