Game Rules

I got a ton of these, and if they don’t make you laugh, you need to go have your funny bone x-rayed.

Hello dear reader.

I had three good days in a row! That’s something to celebrate for sure!

Today is the fourth day in a row I’ve been in too much pain to function. I’m trying very hard to focus on the three good days I had and remind myself that I will have more. I just have to get through this stretch. It’s amazing to me how difficult that is to see when my entire body hurts like this. Right now hope feels like a fool’s game. But you know what? I’m going to play it anyway.

Here are the rules. First, and most important, remember that the pain is not who I am. It’s something I have to deal with. Second, my memory may be all kinds of screwed up, but I have wonderful memories that are still there. Third, I have a lot more amazing memories to make.

There’s the rules, now let’s get to the game. I’m really excited that I’m going to see my daughter in 18 days, 18 hours, and 40 minu.tes. I have a countdown timer on my phone. That translates into I’m leaving at 9 AM on the 28th. It’s a 12 hour drive, but I’m going to split it into two days. The plan is to drive 7-8 hours on Thursday (depending on how I do) and get a room for the night wherever that ends up. I’m going to sleep in as late as possible Friday morning and be back on the road around noon. I’ll only have 4-5 hours of driving, and will get to her house right after she gets off work. I’ll be there all day Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I’ll leave Tuesday morning and do the same thing in reverse. I’ll get home on Wednesday (the fourth of July) in the early afternoon and will go watch the fireworks with Tim that evening. Thursday and Friday of that week are scheduled for recuperation. So that’s the plan, and definitely an amazing memory.

There’s rule number three. Yes, I do know I’m going backwards, but nothing said I had to do them in order ;-). Let’s think about a wonderful memory I already have. There are tons to choose from! Here’s one I think you’ll like. When my youngest daughter had been going to kindergarten for about two weeks she came home very upset one day. I, of course, asked her what was wrong. She said, “Mommy, we have to start eating liver!” I hate liver, don’t eat it and won’t cook it. So I told her no, it was okay, and we didn’t have to eat liver. She cried even harder when I told her this, and said she didn’t want the guards to get us. Of course, I asked, “What guards?” She looked at me like I was the stupidest person she’d ever seen and said, “The invisible ones!” I had to get to the bottom of this and asked her who had told her this. She said it was her teacher. Completely confused I told her to tell me exactly what her teacher had said. “She makes us say it every day….I pledge to the flag of America and to the Public it stands…one nation, under guard, invisible, with liver and just this for all.” I pulled her into a big hug, laughing so hard I couldn’t talk, then explained her mistake to her. I got a ton of these, and if they don’t make you laugh, you need to go have your funny bone x-rayed.

What was the other one? Oh yeah, the pain is not who I am. Telling you a good memory and something I’m looking forward to made the pain back off a little bit. That proves it isn’t who I am, doesn’t it?

I know I left you hanging with Home and Family part 1 and I will return to that next time. This just wasn’t the time for it.

What do you do when the pain tries to take over? Do you have memories you draw on? Are you looking forward to something? Please let me know in the comment box below. We can never have too many tools to use.

Thanks for helping me through this one.

Until next time…

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State of mind

I have much to be thankful for. Sometimes I just have to look harder to see past the hard stuff.

Hello dear reader

People say that happiness is a choice. I agree with that only to a point. You can choose whether to focus on the positive things in your life rather than on the negative. That I agree with.

However, there are several reasons why someone can’t be “happy” no matter how hard they try to focus on the positive. Depression can be situational, but is often a chemical problem. When someone is suffering from depression, telling them that happiness is a choice can actually make things worse…much worse.

Depression is a deep dark hole that gets smaller and more confining every day. It robs you of energy and smothers any ray of hope and/or happiness. Guilt weighs on you because you’re depressed, which makes you feelmoredepressed.

Can you imagine feeling that way and then being told that it’s your choice? Or being told to “just cheer up?” Do you think that would help your state of mind? I can promise you that it would have the opposite effect.

So I wrote about depression yesterday. Why am I still going on about it? I don’t really know, it feels important.

Moving on…. tomorrow is my oldest daughter’s birthday. She’s almost to the end of her 20’s. I am constantly amazed at how quickly life goes by. I’m also amazed at how fortunate I feel to be her mother. I loved being “Mommy” when she was little, and I love being “Mom” now that she’s grown. Our relationship is very different now, of course. I’m no longer the person who knows everything, can see through walls AND the back of my head, and always knows when she’s having a bad day. I can no longer solve any problem from a skinned knee to a broken heart with a kiss and/or a cheesecake tart. But I can listen when she needs someone to. I can laugh and/or cry with her. I can give her tips on anything from a roast to a relationship. I can (and do) know that she may or may not follow my advice. She’s a grown woman who can think for herself and make her own decisions. I am so proud of that. I’m thrilled that she asks my advice, whether she takes it or not. In some ways it’s harder to be “Mom” than it was to be “Mommy” because I still want to protect her from the world. I still want to fix anything that hurts. But being “Mom” is wonderful too. I can be her friend now, and she’s a great friend to have. You can’t be a child’s friend and protect them. There are too many times the word “No” has to be said.

I know. I’m ranting again. But these are the things that keep depression from winning. These are the positive things that I try to focus on. I have a great life….a truly amazing husband, great friends, and some great kids (even the ones that aren’t really mine). I live in the most beautiful place there is. I have much to be thankful for. Sometimes I just have to look harder to see past the hard stuff. Sometimes the hard stuff is just too big to see past.

Until next time….